Everyone wants to be happy.. everyone chases after it but very few know what happiness actually is, where it comes from. Well this is actually a tricky one.. everyone has his or her own perspective about this because happiness doesn't have single definition.
According to my perspective...Real happiness is not really a destination..it is a journey which we experience every single day of life.
Today I am happy with what I am and what I am have..At this moment of time, I feel I am the luckiest and the happiest person on this earth, but in the past situation was not same..I always used to worry for unnecessary things, over think, used to be judgemental sometimes and these habits of mine were always hurted me a lot.
In past Like every other single person, I always tried to fit myself in particular frame which people around me wanted to see me in. I always tried to be in good books of people who were important for me but I never thought am I really important for them or Is it really worthy to push myself so strong just to keep people happy around me...No...I never thought it before.I found myself ended in lot anxiety and deep misery.
Then one fine day, I decided to continue my habit of writing diary...because of lack of time(or lack of time management) I took break from it for almost two and half year... I opened my diary who had safely stored all my secrets. I read some of the pages of it and I was lost in those moments but found myself again that day.
Then I started fresh and noted down my strenghts, my weaknesses, my bad as well as good habits. I also tried to list what makes me really happy..to my surprise about fifteen minutes I was blank... I really didn't know what makes me happy? A girl like me who used to find happiness in every small thing around her was literally blank that day...
Then the alarm rang in my mind..it was the time to find out what is my definition of happiness, what I really want in my life...Though I am outspoken person, I really can not share my feelings with anyone...The things which I can't express by talking I started writing them in my diary.. after 15-20 days I realised that all the burden which was causing my heart ache, which was suffocating me from inside was now out.. I was literally feeling light as if tons of weight was diminished... My idea of writing worked for me.
Then I tried again to find things which can really make me happy.. and hushhhhhhh......this time I found my answer.. and having that answer was real "HAPPINESS"indeed..
I realised that my idea of happiness is not materialistic as I have everything which is needed to live a good life though it is not luxurious but I am happy with what I have.. I have everything around me Loving and responsible husband, caring family, very intelligent and naughty kid everything.. but I was missing with peace of mind.. it was not because of my surrounding or people around me.. it was because of me only.
After marriage and having baby I moulded myself to fit in ideal wife and ideal mother's image which was really not necessary.. Neither anyone forced me to that nor I purposely did that.. It just happened.. and in this roller coastar ride I just lost myself.. I forgot to being myself... All I needed was to be myself.
I discussed it with my husband and he was really happy to see the real me after so many days. We decided to do what makes me happy spiritually..
List was as below,
1.I loved to read books, novels, poems...I can read for hours and hours..When I read I really can't feel hunger or thirst..I started reading with new spirit again. Husband gifted me lot and lot of books...
2.I liked to write..I started writing all over again..When I start writing I am no longer part of this world, writing takes me to the another world which is so beautiful. After completing it when I read it, for a moment I can't believe that piece of literature is scribbled by me..
3.Having a tea and watching sky from balcony with my husband, my neck rested on his shoulder is the ultimate happiness for me. We started to take time from our schedules for this short tea break which was enough to make my day happy.
4. Cooking is my passion. I always loved to try new recipes and to my luck90% of the times they turn out to be amazing.. So I started to pursue that passion again and it gave me immense happiness.
5. Yoga, meditation and some self time was atmost requirements of me to freshen up my mind... I started to make the time for all of this and then I found that I am having real me back with bang on.
6.I love to enjoy long drive on bike in the rain, I like to drink tea at road side tapari, I like to have wadapav at stall, I love to go to the temple and just sit there without uttering a single word, I like beaches, I like sunsets, I like to enjoy our favourite web series and movies with my husband latenight, I love to have coffee and maggie break midnight etc.etc.
And the list goes on.....
All were very small things and were around me still I was not able to catch them up..because I restricted myself in boundaries unnecessarily. When I crossed those boundaries then I found my happiness.
I started living for myself..I practiced not to overthink or not to take burden of unnecessary things. Then I realised words of Denis Waitley "Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude" is the perfect definition of happiness for me.
What is your definition of happiness? Do tell me in comment section.
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©® Suvarna Rahul Bagul